When I started putting the Legacy Collection together, I knew there were two short stories I’d rather not share: “The Second Story on Her Arm” and this one. But I couldn’t remember why I didn’t like “An Act of Charity” until I reread it. I’ve been asking myself ever since why did I write what I did?

This was the first short story I wrote for my Fiction II class, also taught by Professor Williams. Many of my classmates were the same ones I had for the previous class, so they knew what to expect from me based on “Blood for Blood” and “Jailbird.” Once again, the only guidelines were to make it 8-10 pages long.

By this point, I had a large chip on my shoulder when it came to fiction class. Maybe the critiques from last class—and Professor Williams’ feedback—wore me down a bit. I think I was questioning myself as a writer. At the same time, I remember being intensely frustrated by how much critical feedback I got that was rooted in sexism and misogyny.

Several classmates wrote positive comments, praising me for writing badass female characters. But I received so many more complaining that it wasn’t realistic to have a woman in a position of authority, or a woman who could win a fist-fight against a man. During the verbal part of critique, Professor Williams often wished they were more scheming and deceitful.

My dream was to write speculative fiction and, sure, two of the three ideas I had for novels at the time had a female main character. That started to feel less and less possible. I was thinking about giving up, or changing my ideas to push the female characters to the side and focus more on a male cast.

What would it take to write a female main character people would like? What qualities could I give her, what things could she do that would somehow make up for all the negative points she got just for being female?

I was still stuck on the thief character I wrote for “Jailbird,” so I changed her name and the setting. Something about her made me want to keep writing, to figure out where her story began and what happened to her.

This time, I did a little more “research” by looking at my favorite thief characters in books, movies, and video games. Professor Williams wanted more scheming? My classmates wanted a woman who couldn’t win a fight? Done and done.

It was a disaster.

Not only was it my most negative verbal critique, but this is the story that made Professor Williams threaten my grade if I wrote anything else like it again.

Themes in the Story

I wanted to explore two things in this story:

• fitting a more complicated, less-direct plot into short fiction.
• how much influence personal bias has on whether a reader will tolerate a female main character.

“An Act of Charity” focuses on the aftermath of a minor heist that isn’t what it seems and where betrayals come from everyone involved. It was an early experiment in having a protagonist navigate their own relationship to two antagonists who oppose one another. Instead of sticking with a simple, unified antagonist force, I wanted to make the situation messier.

Inspiration From Other Works

As I mentioned, I looked to some favorite fictional male thieves for inspiration: Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro, Val Kilmer in The Saint, and Matthew Broderick in Ladyhawke. But I didn’t stop at being inspired. I used word-for-word movie quotes in my dialogue. Why would I do something so lazy?

It was part of my experiment to gauge the influence of personal gender bias among the readers in my class.

I pulled directly from The Legend of Zorro and Ladyhawke, taking dialogue that originally took place between two male characters (one criminal, one religious) and changing the criminal character to female. I wanted to know if gender changed how the lines landed with an audience.

This pretty much guaranteed “An Act of Charity” could never be published by traditional means.

How I Feel Rereading the Story Now

Deep, visceral cringe. If I could pick one story in the whole Legacy Collection to pretend never happened and never share it with anyone, it would be this one.

It’s not because of the movie quotes, even though that is pretty bad. I know the intention behind that choice, but copying is still copying.

And it’s not because the writing is rough or unpolished.

I did bad writer things in this story. Bad human things.

All that frustration I had at the time, the desperation to write a female character people wouldn’t hate, brought out some internalized misogyny from my subconscious. I put two female characters on the page and had them act catty toward each other for no reason except to satisfy the voice in my head saying this is what people like in female characters, this is what they want from me. The “evil” woman is described in terms of her curves, the cut of her neckline, and promiscuity. I used the word “whore” casually and with no regard for its weight.

I had to sit with this story for a long time. The spirit of the Legacy Collection is to show a snapshot of the writer I was when I was just starting to learn the craft, to be honest about my mistakes and let them be an opportunity for others to learn. That was the intention behind releasing these stories as-is with no revisions.

But I don’t like the version of me that wrote this story. The knowledge of how much I’ve grown since then offers very little consolation.

I can’t release “An Act of Charity” with all of the original text in good conscience. The 10 sentences containing harmful language will be edited or removed. These changes preserve the intent and content of the story without perpetuating misogynistic language or ideas. I believe this strikes a balance between honoring the original work and taking responsibility for how it reads today.

I hope to see you back here Wednesday for the whole story.

Set the Mood

If you like creative add-ons to fully immerse yourself in a story, I have some suggestions. While I didn’t necessarily have these on hand when I wrote the story, they’ve definitely enhanced my experience rereading them.

Soundtrack

Finding the right music to go with this story was a little challenging. I eventually settled on Mango Tango by Kerry Muzzey as the only appropriate song. The fast and playful rhythm of the tango suits the theme this story wanted to accomplish very well.

Scenttrack

The main scent described in “An Act of Charity” is pipe tobacco with notes of vanilla and licorice. This is based on a familiar smell from my childhood: my dad’s preferred tobacco blend for his pipe. When I first learned of Mythologie Candles, one of the most intriguing scents they offered was a Lord of The Rings-inspired candle with notes of tobacco, vanilla, and cherry. It was one of my earliest orders and probably the one that led me to become a lifelong fan of Mythologie because it smells just like my dad’s tobacco.

The scent is still available, but it has been renamed “Gandalf the Grey.” You can get it for yourself at the link below.

Affiliate note: I’m a Mythologie Candles affiliate because I use them all the time—especially for writing and editing. This means I may earn a commission if you purchase through my link. I only share products I personally use and love. Thanks for supporting my writing!